June 30, 2016
The Bearded Man (Armada)
The story goes like this: Before overfishing was a thing, The Bearded Man used to love going out fishing on a tiny boat late at night. If you know anything about The Bearded Man, you'll know that it was never about actually catching a fish. In fact, it was so much not about actually catching a fish that one day he found he had made himself a little friend. A tiny fish kept swimming around his rickety paddleboat. Eventually the two got to talking, and they started trading stories. Our hero would talk about climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro, the fish would talk about swimming the Mariana Trench. The two became fast friends. They shared philosophy, party stories, and talked about what it was that they liked about the moon reflecting on the surface of the water so much. One day, The Bearded Man said: "You know what little fish? You and me were meant to be. In and out, you're a beautiful sole." And then he spent the next several years of his life apologizing for that TERRIBLE pun. (He's truly sorry.)